Mr. Not So Perfect
The Top Ten Symptoms of Emotionally Unhealthy Spirituality
Since 1949, May was marked as Mental Health Awareness month in the United States. Emotional and mental health go hand and hand. Every year I take an introspective look at my overall well-being. In certain circles, just examining your mental and emotional health has various stigmas attached; especially if you are a black christian living in America. However, we have seen some progress in this area in recent years. My wife and I have started reading a book entitled Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: It’s Impossible to be Spiritually Mature, While Remaining Emotionally Immature by Peter Scazzero. This is a must read for every single person and married couple.
Practically, my adolescent life, I attended church religiously. Always living a the morally sound, picture perfect, and well put together life before the eyes of people. I was more concerned with what people thought of me, instead of loving who God made me to be — and that was enough.
Throughout my life, people have consistently told me, “you act like your better than us”, “he’s conceited”, “you walked pass me and didn’t speak”, or “I thought you were arrogant.” Much of my life has been a struggle to please people and fit into this perfect church-goer mold. It is humanly impossible to please everyone. You can only strive to be the best version of yourself and leave the rest up to God. No I am none of those things-arrogant, conceited, or better than anyone. Your personality is just that — it’s yours. I’ve learned that most people are not even aware of their flaws. We have to take responsibility for OURSELVES.
The Bible does not spin the flaws and weaknesses of its heroes. Moses was a murderer. Hosea’s wife was a prostitute. Peter rebuked God! Noah got drunk. Jonah was a racist. Jacob was a liar. John Mark deserted Paul. Elijah burned out. Jeremiah was depressed and suicidal. Thomas doubted. Moses had a temper. Timothy had ulcers. And all these people send the same message: that every human being on earth, regardless of their gifts and strengths, is weak, vulnerable, and dependent on God and others.
Emotionally Healthy Spirituality — By Peter Scazzero
In Chapter 2, the author lists ten different symptoms of emotionally unhealthy spirituality.
- Using God to run from God
- Ignoring the emotions of anger, sadness, and fear
- Dying to the wrong things
- Denying the past’s impact on the present
- Dividing our lives into secular and sacred compartments
- Doing for God instead of being with God
- Spiritualizing away conflict
- Covering over brokenness, weakness, and failure
- Living without limits
- Judging other people’s spiritual journey
1. Using God to Run From God
I’ve served in Sunday School, praise team, ministerial staff, intercessors, usher, armor bearer, audio/video, and everything else besides pastoring the church and women’s ministry. When you have trauma, pain, or wounds it doesn’t matter how much you work in the church and allegedly serve God, until you deal with you heart and mind in a productive manner, then you will never truly experience all that God has for you. Just because you can, does not mean you should. Be effective in one thing at a time, but most of all take care of yourself.
2. Ignoring the emotions of anger, sadness, and fear
Like countless characters mentioned in the bible, so are we all faced with our own trials and issues of life. Don’t get consumed with feeding the insatiable appetite of what people think of you. Focus your attention, to your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. What does God think of you? He loves you and wants the best for you. You can easily bury yourself in your 9–5, church functions, and family. Don’t ignore what has been gnawing away at your soul. Address it today.
3. Dying to the wrong things
I used to think I was doing God a favor by dying to my “unique personhood.” Be yourself and never allow yourself to die within the confines of religion. Enjoy music, art, movies, cherish friendships, and be authentically yourself. Religious traditions have caused many people to die out to the wrong things, while neglecting their emotional, mental, and physical well-being.
4. Denying the past’s impact on the present
Yes, the the trauma from the past can impact you present reality. I wrote a non-fiction book entitled In Remembrance of the Lost Sheep. As soon as I started to write this book, a flood of emotions and unresolved issues resurfaced. Writing my novel was one of the best feats I’ve accomplished and I would write it all over again without changing anything. In this book, I walk through my healing process from the trauma of my past. Healing is an ongoing process. My present includes my wife and children. What I experience, they indirectly experience, and can negatively impact them. You must faithfully do the work of introspection and healing.
5. Dividing our lives into secular and sacred components
Living a double life — self explanatory. Practice what you preach.
6. Doing for God instead of being with God
#1 mirrors this section. I’ve been busy doing absolutely nothing for God, instead of actually spending quality time in his presence.
7. Spiritualizing away conflict
Conflict and confrontation will arise. When it does be ready to address it. Don’t shy away from it. Don’t blame holy spirit for everything. Holy spirit is not the scapegoat. Instead of me telling people how I really feel, it has always been easier to lie about it or be hyper-spiritual about the situation, such that people’s feelings were not hurt. It is so much better to release it and be truthful.
8. Covering over brokenness, weakness, and failure
There is no need to wear a mask. You are not fooling anyone; especially not God. He sees your frailties and flaws. Be open and honest and allow him to transform those parts of your life. David is a perfect example — an adulterer, a murderer, and afflicted with severe physical pains (some scholars say it was gonorrhea), he was honest and transparent before the God and to us all. Because of honesty, God rescued him time and time again.
9. Living without limits
You can not please everyone and you can not do it all. Learn to put limitations on how much you pour out. Take care of yourself.
‘Self-care is never a selfish act — it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer others. Anytime we can listen to true self and give it the care it requires, we do it not only for ourselves, but for the many others whose lives we touch.’
Parker Palmer
10. Judging other people’s spiritual journey
Stay in your lane.
“By failing to let others be themselves before God and move at their own pace, we inevitably project onto them our own discomfort with their choice to live life differently than we do.”
Peter Scazzero
